Didn't someone say once you should never eat anything bigger than your own head?
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to the baseness of 4-letter words and I wish I had an ounce of this sort of wit. Some are quite famous so apologies if you've read them before.
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
“I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this hasn't been one of them." - Groucho Marx
I loved Gormley's Blind Light exhibition when there were about 30 of these statues, cast from the artist own body, dotted around on roof tops and ledges within a mile or two of the exhibition and all facing the Hayward Gallery. Really glad I found these which are at office building on the Euston Road.
My Mum has been in Peterborough hospital for barely a week and already they've forgotten her Parkinson's medication, twice, and allowed her to get into a situation where she could and did fall over, twice.
It is kind of ironic that after doing their utmost to keep her alive in the last few months (against both hers and her family's wishes) the NHS now seems bent on doing her in.
It feels like they are trying to tick a few boxes such as washing (check), walk to the loo (check) etc so they can get rid because she's bed blocking. 'Hello! You kept her alive when nature was trying desperately to end her suffering."
It is a horrid hospital - grubby, shabby, rigid, oppressive and understaffed - it's surprising anyone gets well. The sooner we can get her out of there the better. She's only on the first floor I might take a rope next time I visit and break her out.
What prevents your city/town from being the best place in the country to live?
Submitted by Cherney.It is the best place to live - in the world. It's London for goodness sake. I mean just on my way to work everyday I get to see this unique and stunning piece of architecture
And this
It has the best theatre, cinema's, restaurants, pubs, architecture, comedy, music, museums great open spaces and a public transport system that kinda works. What more could you ask for?
But then I am biased because I can't imagine living anywhere else.
- 20:45 Yep it's a migraine. Feeling sick and dizzy. Going to bed. #
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- 23:14 My humble thoughts on Thursday night's theatre: Waiting for Godot tinyurl.com/l9tdlp #
- 08:38 @englandhandball twitpic.com/8lfif - Well done Mate. Good luck for today. #
- 08:40 Sod the tennis RT @englandhandball Andy Pringle makes the Challenger Semi Final!!! twitpic.com/8lfif #
- 11:57 People have honoured michael jackson by scribbling on walls of national gallery. #
- 17:09 @SweMeatballs78 Mosh (Andy) been playing handball for year or so but has played fives since school. He's playing in HB world champs in US. #
- 17:11 Go Mosh! RT @englandhandball ANDY PRINGLE WINS!!! Challenger trophy heading to England! Awesome stuff fr the bearded wonder #
- 17:14 And the stories begin RT @Showbiz SpyMichael Jackson’s Nanny Used to Pump His Stomach tinyurl.com/lhaphs #
- 19:08 Have got that wobbly/seeing stars round the edges vision that usually signals a migraine (or fainting). Time for precautionary nurofen. #
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Maybe it's my age.
Maybe it's the fact that I'm not particularly a Michael Jackson fan.
Maybe it's because no celebrities death would upset me to this extent.
But it made my blood boil.
I just can't fathom why these people felt it was OK to scrawl on the walls of the National Gallery.
And no I'm not anti-graffiti, quite the opposite, but this is just generally inane sometimes incomprehensible and badly written twoddle on THE NATIONAL GALLERY.
It's vandalism there I've said it and now I sound like my parents. And I'm hoping that the police tape and presence of police was to stop more being done.
I'm also assuming it will be cleaned off. I'm hoping it will be cleaned off.
- 18:16 Played cards with hospitalised and frail Mother, could see her hand at all times. It is morally wrong to use that to my advantage? #
- 23:14 My humble thoughts on Thursday night's theatre: Waiting for Godot tinyurl.com/l9tdlp #
- 08:40 Sod the tennis RT @englandhandball Andy Pringle makes the Challenger Semi Final!!! twitpic.com/8lfif #
- 11:57 People have honoured michael jackson by scribbling on walls of national gallery. #
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As a 17-year-old I remember wanting to stab myself in the eye with my pen while reading Waiting for Godot which was an A-level English set text. I thought it flat, dull and incomprehensible, after all it is about two men waiting for someone who never turns up.
But then our teacher Miss Egan took us to see it performed at the National Theatre.
It completely changed my view of Samuel Beckett's play, and of theatre. Suddenly the words leapt off the page and it was funny and thought-provoking and sad and intriguing all at the same time. It is a prime example of why plays should never just be studied on the page.
But that was all 20-years-ago.
Late last year when I heard it was not only being staged at the Theatre Royal in London but that Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart were playing the leads Estragon and Vladimir and Simon Callow and Ronald Pickup were taking up Pozzo and Lucky I couldn't wait to get tickets. And on Thursday I fell in love with the play all over again.
'We always find something, eh Didi, to give us the impression we exist?'
The cast were magnificent. Lucky only has one speech but the audience broke into spontaneous applause at Pickup's delivery. The biggest applause has to go to McKellen. It's the first time I've seen him play a comic role and dare I say it, he slightly outshone Stewart.
There was more than just the one spontaneous applause during the evening and McKellan and Stewart sparked off each other even turning in a dance routine of sorts at the curtain call.
If I could get another ticket I'd go again but it's sold out unless you queue for day tickets at the crack of sparrow.
Here are what some of the pro's thought. Particularly like the Whingers interpretation.
Independent
This is London
West End Whingers

lol - oh wow - I want one read more
on Room for dessert?